Shame

I am not here to  complain about my life or economic crisis. I am here to grieve for my people... for those who waited under the rubble so maybe somebody might hear them. I am writing to ask why my government does not care for my people in remote areas whom their lives are shaken by recent earth quake.Where is the compassion of those men on top sitting indifferently toward my people and call themselves the men of Allah and call themselves true Muslims in the true. I criticize Iranian government for lack of support for those poor people living in remote areas.

I am sad...

Obama won the election but I haven’t passed this fucking course yet. ..

Why everyone thinks it is gonna be better for Iran since Obama got the office? LMAO

I am not in mood to make intellectual notes..it is just some random stuff.

Life is going on smoothly. I have learnt a lot. Some hard lessons that brought me into my knees but I rose up again. Fucking hell… was it really worth of my tears and the pain I was causing myself? I just figured out… nothing comes easy… I am just learning not to be the fool I was. I gave up trusting people. There is no need for trust when you are not sharing anything. I will keep my heart for myself… screw the rest.

Just sometimes I am bothered by the fact that how I possibly loved someone who is the unique symbol of assholeness? I am still doubtful whether he helped me afterwards to feel less guilty or he is really a good guy… On the other hands, I could not be so wrong for such a long time... or they say love is blind.. To be honest I really didn’t give him much either...so we are even now?!!

Grey Amsterdam...there are still some lovely stuff in it… some cute smart rugby players(never knew they are making any of them!).. ja ja ja..I am loving it… wish could get more of it..but I am afraid I am gonna fall in love…then it is gonna be the same old story..crying worried Tee!

I am going to see my folks sometime soon ..First wanna see “M”..fucking bastard .. I miss him so much..

Life is merely good.

Thanks people… friends and everyone!

I will dance on the graves of those who make me unhappy…

I never hated some faceless person so much.. can't help it.... hate that girl.. hate that girl... who is she standing in my place?or .... I was dreaming of something that I never had..
It is gonna be alright.. baby. Adeline keeps telling me..

I want to wake up and just realize it was a nightmare and he is gonna knock on my balcony door…I just wanna wake up..

It hurts the most not even get to have a decent goodbye... How could he? How could he hurt me so much…maybe I did the same… and I didn’t notice…

I don’t want to hate him. I don’t want to be angry at myself either that I am the one who killed everything gradually...when did he stop loving me? Did he ever love me?

I wasn’t ready for that and I didn’t see it coming…when I saw Meno’s message: “that ıs always easy tee, no acts or articles of love, no constitution... love is like before civilization.. anarchism, nothing to do about that... then in that case u`d better listen Pink Floyd’s two songs: final cut & nobody home..”.. he made me wonder.. yea he is right.. he is so fucking right..

I would have died without Azin… she saved me... oh my, she saved me.

I’ll be fine.. I’ll be fine keep saying that to myself.

FED UP

I am so stressed with this bloody paper. I have to finish it till 12th....

K:Hey, there is something about Iranian NY times..check it out: Tehran warns west against attack

T:There is always something about Iran on the news... the Midget won't give up the fucking nuke thingy!

I don't know what I am gonna do... it is getting too much..worries of losing "K"..not finishing this fucking master degree...not finding a job ( I had three hard core interviews with Philips..still no avail)..I am already short in money..have to do something.
Everyone is like "girl, don't go back to Iran" there is nothing left there..and I hate to hear those kinds of crap over and over..I fucking miss everything there...


Back to work...politics sucks..being me sucks...I hate Conferences that take a week long...

Nostalgia

Amsterdam is as gray as ever . I am so fucking empty inside.I am feeling like I am gonna lose the game again. I thought I could rely on what I found here …thinking of all the beautiful things I killed to get here…I am so dead tired of trying all over again...so hopeless…

Quick Update

Aren't Lebanese people making the very same mistake that Iranians made 27 years ago?
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Is USA really going to attack Iran?
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Will you sleep with any of these guys for 10 million dollars?
• The i.r.a.n.i.a.n Midget
• Kim Jong Il
• Hugo Chávez
• Muammar al-Qaddafi